As I sit here & lull over my thoughts from the past oh 6 months to a year, would you like to know what topic filled those thoughts the most? You got it - Becoming a mother! I see all of the beautiful babies & all my friends having babies & pregnant bellies & that desire deep in my heart, just breaks free & there it goes! I know that yes, # 1 - I have no significant other, which I think is needed for this journey! # 2 - Even though that is my deepest desire to become a mother and has been for the past 6 months to a year, the thought of becoming a mother actually scares the crap out of me at the same time. I am 24 and I can already hear my biological clock ticking. And most of this thinking I will never, ever become a mother has come from my mother's journey to her having her hysterectomy in July. After her surgery, her excellent OB/GYN informed her that she had one of the worst cased of endometriosis that he has ever seen and I'm telling you, it was not a pretty site from the pictures! Knowing this, I am so scared that I will have endometriosis which will make my journey to motherhood that much more difficult, but I have turned this all over and laid it in God's hands and pray about it everyday and know that when the timing is right, I will be blessed beyond measure and only when he sees fit.
I finally, after much time broke my cycle of depression with lots of help and prayer and am now free to be happy & I deserve to be happy and though I struggle daily with a certain situation that keeps coming back, I know that this happens for a reason and I just move along and deal the best way I can.
For this I refer to the these 2 verses from the Bible -
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your Heart
Psalms 37:4
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope & a future.
Jeremiah 29:11
So when all else fails, pray and in return you will receive the desires of your heart, in due time!
And on that glorious day when I first look into my child's eyes, I will be able to say "I was Enchanted to Meet You"
So this is me, being happy --
Lots of love
- Jenn
